A Puppy Shower Wish List

by
posted on December 3, 2013

Earlier this year, for the first time, I housebroke two puppies at once. Incidentally, this is also the year I decided to never—ever—housebreak multiple dogs again. My pups seemed to be conspirators in a game of “you distract him while I destroy that.” They ate my favorite hat, removed and consumed a $20 bill from my wallet and pulled most of the latticework off my back deck. It was like living in a college frat house: Every morning I knew I’d discover an accident on the floor and something broken.

To make matters worse, they barked in their crates until I was certain they’d go hoarse, but they soon learned to take turns. My days ran into nights. “No, it can’t be,” I’d say as the sun rose. After several relentless weeks I offered to give my truck to a buddy in exchange for watching the puppies while I slept for four uninterrupted hours.

Where was my wife during all of this? In bed with 24-hour morning sickness, unable to help. That’s right, we were simultaneously expecting a third addition to the family (which has since arrived). And as the big day approached, more than one individual jokingly observed that the puppies helped prepare me for fatherdom. That’s perhaps truer than they realize. By most accounts, one of the greatest challenges of raising a newborn is the extreme sleep deprivation. Well, thanks to the pups I knew I could handle that. Plus a baby poops in a diaper rather than on my floor and doesn’t require walking. In fact, once the puppies were finally housebroken, sleeping through the night and no longer requiring a constant eye, I’d started feeling pretty good about myself.

Then I learned of my wife’s baby shower registry. Soon a dozen women descended upon my home, carrying gifts, discussing the latest in celebrity gossip and pressing me to answer whether I’m “ready to be a dad” for the billionth time.

How fair is this? I spend five months of forced insomnia and, while the puppies consumed or soiled nearly all my possessions, my wife got showered in gifts by her best friends. Gundog owners of America, it’s time we stand up for ourselves. Let’s make 2013 the year we create a new societal custom: the “puppy shower.” To make things easier for you, I’ve devised a registry. To hammer home our point, I’ve categorized each item according to an equivalent item on my wife’s baby shower registry.

The Wish List:

Crib
Petmate Ruffmaxx Dog Kennel
MSRP: $170

Cradle
Mud River Homebase Dog Bed
MSRP: $145

Bottles
Miller Manufacturing Automatic Dog Waterer
MSRP: $30

Baby Monitor
SportDOG Brand TEK E-Collar with GPS Tracking System
MSRP: $160 to $400

Clothing
Avery Sporting Dog Neoprene Vest
MSRP: $23

Pacifiers
Dokken’s Dead Fowl Trainer Retrieving Dummies
MSRP: $30

High Chair
Drake Quick Hitch Retriever Stand
MSRP: $100

Formula
Pro Plan Sport Performance 30/20 Formula
MSRP: $46

So, you see, products required to raise a puppy are no less essential—or less expensive—than those for a baby. Isn’t it time that rearing a puppy became more of a community effort?

Latest

NRA ILA Lede
NRA ILA Lede

NRA Files Lawsuit Challenging Colorado’s Excise Tax on Firearm and Ammunition Sales

On March 31, the National Rifle Association of America (NRA), together with the Firearms Policy Coalition, Second Amendment Foundation, Colorado State Shooting Association, Magnum Shooting Center and an NRA member, filed a lawsuit challenging Colorado’s 6.5-percent excise tax on the retail sale of firearms, firearm precursor parts and ammunition.

The Magnum Research 10mm Magnum BFR Revolver

This 6-shot, single-action revolver may well be the first factory-made handgun chambered in this caliber in over three decades.

Hunting Heritage Trust Grant Applications Being Accepted

The National Shooting Sports Foundation (NSSF), the trade association for the firearm industry, has opened the application period for the 2025 Hunting Heritage Trust Grants. They offer a total of $100,000 in financial support for programs that work to expand participation in hunting and the shooting sports.

Hardware Review: Marlin Model 1895 Dark

If you think lever-action rifles should only have walnut stocks and a blued-metal finish, then the new Marlin Dark series with its polymer buttstock and aluminum AR-esque handguard probably won’t be your thing. That’s a shame, because this recent offering in Marlin’s line of modernized, capable lever-action rifles has a lot going for it in terms of performance, functionality and fun.

ATN Shipping TICO LTV Thermal Clip-On

This thermal clip-on device is a huge night-time gear multiplier for hunters and observers, transforming any daytime scope into a thermal sight.

MidwayUSA Named Official Sponsor of the 2025 NRA Annual Meetings

Glock, Inc. is the Presenting Sponsor of the Freedom Experience on Saturday, April 26th

Interests



Get the best of American Hunter delivered to your inbox.