How to Shut Up a Lawyer

by
posted on December 14, 2011
dogs_ah2015_fs.jpg (5)

One of my favorite duck-hunting buddies is a hero of sorts: He went duck hunting on his honeymoon; he consistently finds good hunting among the nation's mostcrowded public areas; and he married an attractive, young attorney.

Now, if you enjoy an expensive hobby like waterfowling and have the opportunity to marry one of mankind's fewlikable attorneys, by all means go for it, but don't kid yourself that the arrangement is foolproof. She will be friends with other young attorneys—she may even invite them into your home—and the only thing worse than lawyersare young lawyers. They think they're smarter than you (let's face it, they probably are), and they're filled with doe-eyed idealism and the desire to make a difference in the world. It's sickening.

So it was with no small amount of trepidation that I accepted an invitation to attend my buddy's Christmas party. As I feared, the place was crawling with lady-lawyers. I did my best to avoid eye contact (they can see into your soul, you know) and carrymytwo carefully preparedplates of bluebills to the grill. I'd arranged a simple, classic appetizer that I like to call jalapeno quackers: bacon-wrapped duck with a slice of jalapeno and sharp cheddar in the middle. I threw the grill on high heat, grilled the first plate and carried it inside. By the time I returned with the second plate, the lawyers had devoured every morsel from the initial offering.

"My gosh," an attorney exclaimed, "What kind of beef was that?"

"You just ate a wild duck," I said. "Fresh from the Potomac."

To their credit, the attorneys eagerly began polishing off the second plate as well, and for the first time all evening, they were silent.

Latest

LEDE Pull Shoot Save Rebate Program
LEDE Pull Shoot Save Rebate Program

Remington Ammunition Announces Pull, Shoot, Save! Shotshell Rebate

Remington Ammunition recently announced its Pull, Shoot, Save! Rebatewhich offers consumers the chance to buy some of Remington’s best target loads and receive up to $50 back. This promotion runs through June 30, 2025.

XS Sights Introduces Handguard for Henry Lever-Action Rifles

Designed for modern lever-action enthusiast who want to upgrade their Henry rifle, this highly customizable handguard is equipped with six M-LOK slots on each side and seven on the bottom to accommodate a wide array of accessories.

Montana FWP Announces 2025 Migratory Bird Stamp

A trio of tundra swans winging their way through a gray sky in the shadows of Rocky Mountain peaks is captured brilliantly in the 2025 Montana Migratory Bird Stamp.

Tested: EAA Witness2311 10mm Auto Hunter Pistol

This 2011 double-stack pistol is available with a six-inch barrel and an optics-ready slide for less than you might expect.

New for 2025: Escort Shotguns WS Youth 20-Gauge Shotgun

Youth shotguns are often the first introduction to hunting for many individuals, and Escort Shotguns is looking to help continue that tradition with its WS Youth shotgun.

Busting the Roost Myth: Why You Shouldn't Tree Talk to Toms

Should you call to a roosted tom? Mike Roux fills his readers in on why this popular strategy may be the reason they don't fill all their tags this spring.

Interests



Get the best of American Hunter delivered to your inbox.